söndag 3 juni 2012

With promision of my dear sister !

This is a conversation between me and my sister on MSN ,,,
Maby i write the hole story but thik you do understand that this is only a littel of our childhood, i dont habe the strength to write it now, the memories is so toughe and they come up to the surface.... and it´ts hurt to much!


are you awake dear sister

yes it's me but I soon go to bed hoping it is good with you

I have the bug but they begin to move on .... but there is another, I'm considering, I have sat here crying ... o how the father was!
I would like to write about it online so that those who have been victims feel they are entitled under me.men without a name
May i write? ... it's really hard all been ....

yes you can '

thanks dear sister, I will not write your name only my name

ok

it is because everything that I have been writing and blogging as I ... and that is why I work on the network against child abuse ... no ones need to have the that we had !

no it should not need was so but it is children, so it is believed that it should be as

Yes i know and the difficulty of it all is that we love dad although he was as he was ....

yes it is the children will never forget. you have to get help to with this.. it is difficult to make the self -

yes it is, it is good to have help ... have that sometimes .. counselor who I talk to and it feels good actually but it does not help m memories you want removed
what he has done,

I do not think you can forget but you can learn to live with it for life must move forward we must not stay in it but it is more difficult it is good that you have someone to talk to

you are so right .... but they are moments when i can not resist (moments like this) as it comes to the surface and it feel´s like it was recently this happened! is the same for you?

yes it is the most often is when I am alone and have gone and lay down to sleep. and it faces me when I go to the gynaecologist and check for cell change!

I can understand ... it can not be the easiest ... !
it´s difficult to write right now ...

you have probably also blood taste in the mouth after his hand

yes, I have sometimes. he's on you to sexually

not sexually but he beat me good ... he was a reason why I broke my leg and i never forget it, I never .... it was of course that I would make a swing o so I slip on the carpet o put me (sit down ) on the leg ... and i broke it... he hit me so hard so i spin around so quickly and in next minute i sit on my leg and the fact was clear that i have broken it!

so what he said to us was a lie. this, you should have tell this for a long time ago but it is good that it comes out now

I do not know ... when we lived in Hroad I was not at my room .. I dont listen to what he said so he hit me so I landed in my bed o bounce up in the wall ... and I got concussion!
so dawm him... he was not nice

no he was not. but I was told by someone that he was not always kind to mother, either. one thing only I know, but you can not talk about it.. one time a socialworker came home once
because they have heard that we where home alone often .

yes that is correct ... Dad was out and rustle(around with other women ), mother at bingo and gamble away the money ... Dad told this.. that unless sis4 was born so he had left her (that he told mother) mother dared hardly move sometimes! he was so condescending to her awful lot ... Mom wanted to leave the father but dared not and did not dare she tell him that he would be nice to us kids either because then he hit her and told her to shut up!!

I wonder if we had been moved to a different family life had been different out when just a question

it had guaranteed dear sister .... sis4 was never hit by him and I am glad! sis3 we know is not true but there are suspicions when they lived together

I think they had one for keeping it was a christmas, I believe that the Christmas the year before he passed away when sis4 was home and she and the kids with her sis3's room where I thought where is she and I in the big room but she did not at all because she was inside of dad that night so you can wonder
mmm just ... but sys3 knew no better ... she was feeling really not good o I believe this is due very much on dad! Oh now it's hard but it's nice to write to you dear sister

yes I hope I can help as best I can

* smiles * by my toes wet eyes ... it helps ... just nice o write with you, it is we who are vulnerable and you know I talk about

yes I do and I hope you can help others with the same problem. I also go and talk to counselors about the problem it helps but you have moments anyway that you think about what has happened

I do what I can ... I just wish that all adults and all parents to wake up and understand what they are doing to destroy their children!

yes, I hope they do so that they are notified that we would have done with the father but now it is late to do it

Well then, we should have more as than we had ... it had become worse ... I tried to run away after all the case ... I of course jump out the window and when I land on the ground I damage one foot so I could do not go "then hit me just because I tried to run away before he took me to hospital '.. then it took a while before I tried again!

but how dared sys2 accommodate for that was what she did

yes, I do not know how but she got through well, I guess .... otherwise, she had been stock like us, so at this point, I am glad for her sake

yes I am well, but who knows if she also has been utilized, I do not know but it's possible

it was perhaps because she ran away ... I have many times thought about it

yes it can be and then I understand why she did it

I so do that ... But how she found the courage and strength ... it is unbelievable to me
she must have had help

yes I think I also was there when she met "the guy"

Yes it was ... or it was a short while afterwards, I will not really remember. that's a bunch of years ago now

yes it is. you do not hear anything from her" I have not" but it does not matter

I have not heard from her, it's the same for me, "I dont care" you do not fraud on the family or anyone! she has burned all her bridges ... just take this to choose out of a child against a junkie ........ my God, I say

yes it is not good at all, no now I have to go to bed I gonna go up early but we can be heard by tomorrow night

we can do that .. it feels better now anyway ... Sweet dreams .. love you dear sister * smiles *

I love you even have it so good, we hear godnatt

hug

hug



We survive this... but our family got split in diffrent locations in sweden....
I wish i could hear to listen of the silence when the night comes instead to hear my sisters cry...
I do hope that all the children who suffer and are in the shadows and just pray for help ... i hope they step out in the light so they can be helped!

Best regards Kenneth Alfsson